


You Don't See Me

by orphan_account



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-01
Updated: 2009-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-27 03:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a special mindset that comes along with love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't See Me

**Author's Note:**

> \--old old old Heroes fic. warnings for suicide. second-person pov.

There's a special mindset that comes along with love.

Not the sort of lust that grips young dancers every Saturday night, or the kind of hate that eventually becomes warped memories, that growing-old-together type of love. It's the truest, purest sense of love. The abandonment of your life and body to one person, the ultimate show of sacrifice.

You always realize it when it’s too late, when you can no longer turn back from the truth, when you can’t run from what’s really there. It’s often one-sided, and you have to pray to the gods you don’t believe in that he feels the same, that he hears the pleading desperation of your need.

It’s becoming increasingly obvious he doesn’t. You’re a fucktoy, a pretty little trophy he keeps around. The ultimate conquest finished, in his eyes. He couldn’t have you and he pined for that forbidden taste, and when you finally gave, let him tear down your boundaries and take what he wanted he was bored. He’s only staying out of some misplaced guilt. One look into your eyes and he needs you again, needs to feel that power over ultimate beauty.

But he doesn’t care.

You have to try. You have to make him care. You have to beg him. But the weeks keep passing and he keeps staying only for a quick fuck and a fight. There’s always a fight, either before or after. You’re his, he says. You have no right to stray. But he’ll never be yours, and it’s killing you.

Love has a funny way of doing things. You’re finished. You need him. You need him or you can’t continue pretending, can’t keep playing the pointless games he prefers to hide behind. He’ll never get close enough because he’s scared to do what you’ve done, to shamelessly give in to you. To give himself to you in all ways.

It’s a cage he won’t allow to trap him.

And you’ve had enough of it. Always being alone and pining for him. His touch, his eyes, that voice. The way his stubble feels when he’s kissing up your back. That special way he uses his hands to make you see heaven, each and every time.

“Sylar, please,” you say quietly, watching him move about the apartment, picking up everything he’s scattered. He’s shirtless for now, angry and refusing to look up at you.

“What the fuck did you mean by that?” he snarls, pulling his shirt off a kitchen chair. “I love you? What the fuck was that?”

“I meant it,” you reply softly. You’ve finally come to terms with that.

“That’s complete bullshit, Suresh. I’m not going to let you drag yourself down into some lonely despair just because you have no one else.”

He’s stalking to the door. You’re not panicking, like you thought you would. You’re calm, if sad.

“Don’t leave,” you whisper. “I won’t be here when you get back.”

He throws you a glare, and for half a second you see the indecision in his eyes. He loves you too, but not enough. Not enough to know you’re not bluffing. Not enough to convince himself he’s allowed this one respite from sin.

And he leaves. The door closes with a slam and you jump, just a little, as if shocked he would do such a thing.

But these things have to be done.

You reach down and open the drawer, licking your lips. It’s already loaded, you’d made sure of that. Loading it would have taken more time than you’d be willing to think about this. You’d have changed your mind.

You’re numb, but happy. Love is a beautiful thing, you think, ignoring the feel of the steel to your temple and the tears on your cheek.

It shouldn’t be allowed to be killed. It should only haunt you for the rest of eternity.

And to make that happen, you have to take it to the grave.

There's a special mindset that comes along with love.


End file.
